Did you see that?

Am I just fooling myself? Am I one of the blind leading the blind? Or, maybe I'm blind being lead by some one with cruel intentions. Perhaps I can see, but have been around the blind so long I'm becoming convinced that I too am blind. If any of the previous is true, then why can I so vividly see what it's supposed to be and where it has gone wrong? Of course seeing it all so clearly doesn't make it any easier. Quite the opposite is true! When you have this new found freedom a whole new level of self discipline is required. That has never been one of my strengths... I can be rather lazy. There was a group of guys once who also struggled with understanding it all, and who could also be a little lazy at times. Does that make me one of them? They usually turned to their leader for guidance. Maybe I should too! You know, sometimes us disciples struggle a little. Sometimes out of ignorance, sometimes out of laziness, and sometimes it just isn't His time. Lord could you help me to understand it all, and give me the faith to accept it when I can't. I want with all my heart to serve You daily, hourly, ever minute...now! Even though I can't have it all.