Good Faith Estimate

I was playing Bible roulette the other day, just flipping through the Bible scanning and reading anything that jumped out at me, when I hit Luke 14:28-30. I know I've read this before, but this time these few verses really speak to me. I love that no matter how many times I read the Bible there is always something "new" for me! With the help of my mad copy and paste skills here are the verses...

28 "Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? 29 For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, 30 saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.' "

Maybe the fact that I've been through the building process since last reading these verses is why they spoke so loudly this time or perhaps I'm just at a point where God felt I was ready to grow a little more. I really don't know why but these verses have been playing around in my head for several days now, and I would like to share a few thoughts I've had.

We don't allow people the time to estimate the cost. We've all been taught that our goal is to get them to say that "prayer" for their heaven ticket. Once they get that ticket everything else is gravy! Not only do we not allow time for the estimation, we go into salesman mode and pitch all the great things that have happened in our lives since we were saved. In the beginning we seldom mention that there is a cost at all. Once we've made the sale we turn them over to the professionals who can begin assisting with the foundation and help them through when they learn about the cost. You know, a debt consolidation strategy to get through the hard times. To allow someone the time to estimate the cost would require us to personally invest in them. That cost may be to great for us. For someone to truly estimate the cost requires all the information and usually a lot of assistance from those that know the cost. In other words...OUR TIME! Another debt of selflessness that we are not always willing to pay. Of course when they see and feel the love that is required for us to be able to help them as they estimate the cost, the burden seems a little more bearable. And on the flip side when we actually invest ourselves into someone for the cause of Jesus we learn that the cost really isn't much after all. There is usually a return on our investment. It may be just the satisfaction of knowing you are doing what we are all called to do or it may be a life long friend. Jesus dealt with people on a personal level...as His disciples we are to follow his example.

There is a very visible side effect to the fact that people are not allowed to estimate the cost. Week after week in churches around this country, preachers and pastors are going over the same basic information again and again. The foundation is complete, but people were not allowed to estimate the cost and the cost seems to great because no time was invested initially to show the return. The world watches and laughs at all the people who are unwilling to pay the cost for completion and find it harder and harder to believe. Then we try to convince more people more quickly to follow Jesus before all is lost. It's a vicious cycle to say the least. Let's break it! Find someone and make a little investment. I can't make any promises on the initial return, but I promise it will be worth it in the end!

Mind Numbing Poverty

I'm sitting in my living room which is literally the size of 2 of the homes of the kids we met in Lima, Peru and I can't process this information. Should I feel blessed or guilty? One room out of 9 or so, not including bathrooms or closets, in my home is twice the size of their entire home! Does everyone in Lima live this way? No, but there are literally thousands that do just in Lima not to mention around the world. Even here at home...not on the same scale but there are people living here in very similar conditions. Why do I feel so concerned for the people of Lima and not my neighbors here? That bothers me a little. All my day to day concerns seem so trivial compared to whether or not they will have just one meal a day. I've noticed several people blogging about green living and our environmental footprint. Not to down play our responsibility of being good stewards, but it's laughable to me that we live in a society of such excess that are main concern is what to do with our trash and other waste while these people are using the rocks off the ground to hold the tin down on their roofs and whatever scrap material they can find to patch holes in their homes. At the end of our trip we were given 3 different scenarios that we would find ourselves in once we returned home. 1) We would return and be so disgusted with our society that we would withdraw from it. I must admit I could easily do this. I have loner type tendencies anyway. 2) We would return and merge right back into society completely unchanged. I don't think this is me, and pray that it won't be me... ever! 3) We would return and take what we had experienced and use it to better our home and the world for Christ. This is what I want to do, but like I said I'm still struggling with processing it all right now. I've said a lot to not say much but I'm just trying to get my mind around it all and though this might help. Any thoughts, words of encouragement, or suggestions would be appreciated.

Peru...just a peek

We got to tell her about Jesus!

Austin DANGER Powers

The truck was probably 25 yrs. old. It had that faded red paint that is content staying on the truck or leaving with you when brush against. As I turned left in front of this old beast of a vehicle I took a glance in the cab, and saw a rare sight in this day and time. The truck had four passengers in the front seat. I saw "dad" driving with three boys sitting in a row right next to him. "Dad's" arm was around the closest boy... perhaps offering a little added security since they probably were not all buckled up as is the law in our safe, little part of the world. I began to have that warm and fuzzy feeling that comes when a mind begins it's stroll down memory lane.

Any time I rode with my dad in his truck I sat in the back. Not the "crew cab" back, but the "bed" back. The only exception was during heavy rain or extreme cold. During these rare instances I would often chose to stay home rather than endure the sheer boredom of riding in the cab. No wind in my hair, sand pelting my face, or bugs in my teeth. Just too safe for me. I need to, at least, feel like I'm livin' on the edge. Life just seems so much better there. You know, that hyper-awareness that you can only experience there.

As I mentioned earlier, we live in a safe, little part of the world where the powers that be are always worried about our safety and taking steps to ever improve the safety rating. Buckle up, wear a helmet, brush your teeth, lock the door, and the list goes on and on. I know these things start with the best of intentions and I by no means support reckless abandon, but how does one gain courage and confidence without first facing a little danger and fear? Then everyone is surprised when individuals start going to extremes just to get a little adrenaline rush or feel the wind rushing through their hair. Jack-Ass anyone? I know a kid who played with a little gasoline and fire out in the country just for some kicks and giggles and was arrested with charges of terrorism threatened. We used to be able to blow off a little steam and have a little fun, but most of what we did would be considered too dangerous now!

I think the same thing has happened in our churches. Well intentioned people and leaders began offering new guidelines to help others. There are definitely some concrete do's and don'ts when following Christ, but there is also a lot of gray. These gray areas often are close to the dark areas or can easily lead one into the dark. Things like dancing. Other than the fact that I'm incapable of doing it, I don't know of anything wrong with dancing. However it can easily lead one into lust if done a certain way, so let's just say not to do it. I could list many more examples, but I think my point is clear. They put an "arm" around us for a little extra security. I guess we can't expect Jesus to handle it all on His own.

What used to be a trail through an exciting wilderness has become a nice wide path of decorative pavers with a fence that allows you to see the wilderness beyond but keeps a safe distance between you and it...a zoo. Most even come complete with a very informative tour guide to supply all the facts and stories of the thrills and spills others had before, when it was so dangerous and untamed, so that you don't have to chance getting scrapped and bruised the way they did. We can even gather together in safe places with people who are as concerned with being safe as we are. We have been protected to the point of boredom and laziness, but we have not been scarred up. To most of us livin' on the edge for Christ means we may upset a friend who won't talk to us for awhile...scary, huh.

I think it's time for a little Jack-Ass style Christianity... too the extreme so to speak! Don't just get out of your comfort zone, get out there at the edge where your mind is screaming, "too dangerous, too dangerous, I'm scared" but your heart is screaming even louder, "I'm scared but, too exciting, too exciting!" You'll experience that hyper-awareness...feel with more strength, see with more clarity, have a greater understanding. Simply put, you'll live the life more abundant. You may get a few bumps and bruises, bugs in your teeth, or even lasting scars...but scars make for great stories. Oh yeah, buckle up, it will definitely be a bumpy ride!

I'm tired

... of everything right now!

I pledge allegiance...

I am a product of a Christian school education. We started every day by first saying the Pledge to the American flag and then the Pledge to the Cristian flag. Of course we would have a time for prayer request and then we would pray. What a wonderful environment to be formed in. My last two years of school were spent in the public school system. Talk about culture shock...Wow! I've since become an adult (my wife may disagree) and in retrospect have looked back on those early years of my life and wondered about the forming that took place.
I attended a program that my daughter was in today and the day started much the same as it did back in the day. The only real difference was the Pledge to the Bible (we never did that), but a thought that I've had before returned to me. Why, in a Christian school, do we pledge allegiance to the American flag, a representation of man's kingdom, before we pledge allegiance to the Christian flag, a representation of God's Kingdom?! Every Memorial Day I've had the same experience in church. I've asked others this question before and the common answer is that this country affords us the freedom to worship the one true God. But does not a nation receive it's authority from God? Is it not God who has blessed this country in the first place? Maybe I'm grasping at straws here, but it seems to me that, on at least a subconscious level, we're programming priorities into our children. Country and then God. Just seems backwards to me! I love this country and think we have the best system in the world today (it has it's flaws, but is the best at this time), but I love my God much more! I pledge allegiance to God, family, and then country, in that order and plan on teaching my children the same.

Pimping God?

Roland Martin was the guest host on Larry King Live over the Easter holiday, and he interviewed Paula White, Jerry Falwell, T.D.Jakes, and Rick Warren about what would Jesus really do if he was walking the earth today. I found a transcript of that show on crosswalk.com. It is a long article that I would recommend you read in it's entirety, but I just gotta share Martins closing statement.

He said: "Folks, I don't have a time to mince words. In 2007, enough with the people who pimp God. That's right. I said it, pimp God. Instead of focusing on the totality of Jesus, we have Christians who want to make the faith all about abortion and homosexuality. And then we have others who seek God as nothing but a spiritual slot machine. They say a prayer and down from Heaven comes a big house or a new car.
"Faith should be used to break down racial and economic barriers, not solidify them. Don't tell me Jesus would have embraced the sinners and you bar them from the church door. How can people say they love Jesus, but are afraid to speak to their neighbor, eat with a co-worker have their children play with peers across town?
"As we heard tonight, the Christian agenda should be broader than two issues. Let's stop with the nonsense that one political party has a hold on Jesus. We are called to speak truth to power no matter who sits in the White House. Christians, let's stop wondering what Jesus would do to make this world better. The question you need to answer is what am I prepared to do? "

I see you...

On a previous post I mentioned how satisfying it is to escape yourself and find that the circumstances that you find yourself in are not always just about you. How when we remove our own expectations of what will make us happy and choose to recognize God at work, that is when we will experience true joy. Well, I'm still in the same where that provoked the original post, but it sure isn't feeling much like the adventure that it was just 6 months ago! For one thing, after that great conversation, there really has not been much more talk about all that stuff. There's been talk, but mostly the same conversation over and over again. No real progress. At least not that I can see.
Now 6 months later and the place feels like a prison. There's tension in the air. The more information I get, which is very sporadic and often hidden in other conversations, the more it becomes evident to me that there are issues here that I inherited. Lucky me. A dysfunctional family so to speak. I've been left to wonder why must grown men act so much like children. It is absolutely ridiculous. I'm being forced to be the guy I don't like to be (the hard- ass supervisor)! The worst part about this whole situation is that I'm being played as a fool by individuals that are supposed to be friends. I have been attacked. I hope no one out there ever has the privilege of supervising people that not to long ago were your peers. I can't believe they treat me the same way I treated my supervisors. The nerve of these guys!(Note sarcasm).
Of course I have spent many hours wondering why they act like this. Now once again slowly but surely I'm realizing that this is bigger than them and me. They're just being people. We all have our moments. Their actions are not excusable, but definitely forgivable. Especially considering the fact that if they are not in the dark, they are spiritually immature. Not that I'm mature, just a little farther down the road. I see this for what it is now. It definitely is an attack.
Just not from whom I thought was attacking. I was in a place of joy. I felt almost at one with my Lord. the relationship was moving forward. Then you, the enemy, stepped in to stir things up. The stategy worked for a while, but I'm on to it now. How do I keep forgetting that the other side will settle for misery if they can't have you completely. Well, I SEE YOU... and the LORD has my back! Game on!

Did you see that?

Am I just fooling myself? Am I one of the blind leading the blind? Or, maybe I'm blind being lead by some one with cruel intentions. Perhaps I can see, but have been around the blind so long I'm becoming convinced that I too am blind. If any of the previous is true, then why can I so vividly see what it's supposed to be and where it has gone wrong? Of course seeing it all so clearly doesn't make it any easier. Quite the opposite is true! When you have this new found freedom a whole new level of self discipline is required. That has never been one of my strengths... I can be rather lazy. There was a group of guys once who also struggled with understanding it all, and who could also be a little lazy at times. Does that make me one of them? They usually turned to their leader for guidance. Maybe I should too! You know, sometimes us disciples struggle a little. Sometimes out of ignorance, sometimes out of laziness, and sometimes it just isn't His time. Lord could you help me to understand it all, and give me the faith to accept it when I can't. I want with all my heart to serve You daily, hourly, ever minute...now! Even though I can't have it all.

Hmmmm...

Sometimes I think too much. Very seldom do I make impulsive decisions. Often I think myself right into inaction. Of course this is one of my many flaws that I'm sure my wife can tell you all about. Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think A LOT about many different things. One of my favorite subjects is God and the depths of His character that I will never be anywhere close to understanding. I had an experience last night similar to others I've had in the past that got me a thinkin' again. Here's the skinny on what happen. (My) Amy, if you're reading this you may want to skip the next paragraph.
We go to an electrical fire at one of these fenced in electrical sub-stations that belongs to one of the local power suppliers. We wait for a technician from the company to respond so that he can kill all that power (like a bajillion volts I think), we can put out any fire, and then go back to bed. He finally shows up and after we survey the situation he tells me he can handle it from here. We both go back to our own vehicles and then... WOOF! a giant fire ball erupts right where we were standing approx. 1 min. earlier. I'll be taking donations for the clean underwear fund. I had a very similar situation with an exploding propane tank on a forklift. Is this my punishment for all those horrible 'blew" eyes jokes I told as a kid after the first space shuttle exploded?
Did any decisions I made keep me from harms way? Was it the other guy's decisions? Was God looking out for me and influencing my decisions or the other guy's? Did it go exactly to God's plan or does He just allow us to do our thing and then make it all fit His plan? Could it have played out any other way? I guess I'm questioning how predestination plays into all this. I read Blink by Ted Dekker. In this book the main character could see multiple different futures based on the choices of individuals. Is this the way it all works? I'm really just curious. I know God is in control and ultimately it will be His will in the end. It's all this middle that fascinates me. Maybe I'm just over thinking it all. Like I said, I have a tendency to do that.

Agoraphobia

I've taken another giant step. I posted a comment and set my profile so that ANYONE can see my blog! I feel so vulnerable, but it's time for me to stop stalking other blogs from the shadows. If anyone actually reads it let me know what you think, feel, or just whatever. Please be gentle. It's really funny that I don't know whether it's worse that someone may actually sees my thoughts or that when presented with the opportunity no one even cares. maybe that's why I'm always so guarded when it comes to "feelings". It's a protection thing. Okay, that enough of being in touch with my feminine side. I'm going to go scratch myself and spit some. Probably play with some power tools.

Guilty

A friend recently gave me a writing, The Waning Authority of Christ in the Churches, by A.W.Tozer. As I read this pamphlet I was amazed that something written over 40 yrs. ago could be so inline with what I've been feeling about the problems with the current "church" model in America. He basically compared Christ with the monarchy in Britain...symbolic. Only pulled out on special occasions and given no real authority. As I read I was literally nodding my head in agreement and smiling with the satisfaction that comes from having someone with "clout" mirror my feelings. This continued right up to the last paragraph. Then yet again Jesus smacked me across the face. OUCH! Will I ever learn? I was having another one of my pride moments. One of my weaknesses. The last paragraph was outlining the three basic responses that one will have to Tozer's observations. The first being outrage. Can you see my smug expression as I think of all the people I know in this category? Glad I'm not one of them! Then reaction number two. As I begin to read this point you probably could see me start to go pale. Tozer says, "Another is to nod general agreement with what is written here but take comfort in the fact that there are exceptions and we are among the exceptions." Uh-Oh! I've read enough of these type list to know that the correct reaction is at the end and not in the middle. I'm not nodding and smiling much at this point. Reaction number three states, "... go down in meek humility and confess that we have grieved the Spirit and dishonored our Lord in failing to give Him the place His Father has given Him as Head and Lord of the church." My family and some friends have taken some steps that some see as drastic and basically removed ourselves from any form of institutionalized church because we feel as Tozer did. I didn't realize until now that I was beginning to think along the lines of "what we are doing" instead of "what He is doing with us"! I was beginning to give Him that symbolic headship instead of the true authority that He deserves. Lord forgive my pride and take your place as the Head of my life and Your church. Help us to remain humble in You and strong for You.

Battles

Why do I keep doing things I don't want to do? I guess everyone has that one vice that is always pulling them down. The really sad part is that I'm completely aware of the pattern, but choose not to break it. Every time I rediscover the path I begin to dabble in that same struggle, just stepping to the side of the path occasionally, until I'm almost caught fast in the soft muddy shoulder. It amazes me how close the sludge is to the firm track. Then I begin the trudge out of the mud and back on the right course. This is different than those times when the right direction is difficult to see. On these side trips I can always see the correct course that I'm veering away from. I'm not lost I'm straying! Well, I'm trying to break the cycle. I've trudged back on course and am changing habits AGAIN to stay focused on the right bearing. "Know your enemy" is a popular saying, but you must also be aware that the enemy knows you and has a large arsenal to launch to keep you off course and out of the fight. He is fully aware of the fact that his war is lost, so he'll be satisfied with winning as many battles as possible. I'm not defeated! I've regrouped and am ready to rejoin the fight, scars and all!

Where to Next?

Disgruntle is the best word to use about my attitude at work lately. I was finally in the position and location that I've been working to achieve over the past few years (yes, years). Then out of the blue, I mean completely and totally unexpected, I get transferred to a new location. Still doing the same job, but in a place that is less active. Okay, disgruntle does not cover it, My piss was boiling! I had a great crew that knew their jobs and did them. I loved the location. I craved the action. I was happy, finally. Then the axe fell. Ouch! The salt in the wound was the fact that the person taking my place was there to get experience. He had been doing this job for approx. 2 years longer than me, but had little to show for it. So, because he was not producing the higher-ups decided to motivate him a little and help him further his career. I'm getting it done, he's not, and I get punished! I got the whole this is the best move for the dept. speech. WHATEVER! Anyway, I say all this to let you know I've been a real grouch lately. Had myself a real pity party. Then, a couple of days into the new location, I'm talking with one of the guys and we get on the subject of religion. We literally talked for hours. Things like which one is right, who's going to heaven, and why. It was great. He even stressed several times just how interested he was in all this stuff. Well sometimes I'm a little slow but I do usually get it eventually. This whole time I've been focused on ME, and didn't see the opportunities before me. The one's that really matter! I posted earlier about my true passion and how I wasn't sure the path that it would take me on but that I wanted to be a true disciple and follower of Christ and help others along the path. My focus was too low. The one Higher-up was giving me exactly what I was asking for and pretty quickly to boot. No years waiting on this one, and I was too busy wallowing in self to see it initially. Yeah, I know. I'm an idiot sometimes, but like I said I do eventually get it. I'm happy again! This actually goes beyond the warm and fuzzy happy feeling and into joy. If you've ever experienced true joy then you know the difference between feeling happy and experiencing joy. The satisfaction that comes from knowing you are doing exactly what you were meant to do in the exact location that you were meant to do it. The path to Christ may be straight and narrow, but once you meet him there it sure does get to be winding, twisting, difficult to see, and down right laboring in areas. In one word, EXCITING! I wouldn't have it any other way if I could. If you see a guy who's looks like he's wondering around unsure of where he's going, It's probably me following His lead. WHAT AN ADVENTURE!

Intentions

An acquaintance of mine was killed in a car wreck last night. I didn't know him very well and had only spoken to him in passing. He was a young man not much older than me with a family. I've heard that he had some "plans" to help make a difference in peoples lives. I don't know what those plans were, but others do and I could find out if I so wanted. Anyway I say all of this because it made me start to think about what my "legacy" would be if I was the one killed in a car wreck? What would others say about me after the funeral (only positive thoughts are given at the funeral)? Would it be that I was a nice guy that got along with everyone and didn't cause too many waves? Yuk!! Don't get me wrong I want to get along with as many people as possible, but leaders always cause waves. Just like the bow of a boat creates an ever increasing wake as it moves forward. Will I be remembered as the guy with great intentions (a dreamer) with no follow through? I think so. If I were dead in the next instant I think that is my legacy. Intentions are great, dreams are too, but ACTION counts. Action requires courage and faith. Maybe that's why I don't want to be the dreamer without action-it's a sign of cowardice! I am many things, but a coward I am not, and I don't want my legacy to indicate, on any level, to the contrary. I hope I have enough time left to prove my case! If not, know that I am working towards action. I don't have it all figured out yet, but I'm trying.

Passion

I've been misleading a co-worker lately. Not completely but not completely honest either. We've both been discussing the fact that we have no passions in our lives. How we really just don't care much about anything. I'm not into sports because I just can't bring myself to care about a "game". I'm not into politics because it appears to be self serving, maybe not in the beginning but always in the end. So many "passions" seem to be about convincing people to think like you think for the purpose of self validation. Well, I actually like me and don't need outside approval to feel good. Of course it's nice to get, but I don't crave that justification. Even when it comes to the Christian faith it seems that so many people's spreading of the good news is more about convincing others to be and think the same as them. They miss the point and it makes me question if they have truly surrendered their life to the Lord. Jesus convinced many to follow Him, but it was for their own good not His. Today's Christians seem to be trying harder to earn a better standing for themselves than truly concerned for those that haven't experienced the love of Christ. What really breaks my heart is the fact that many of them don't even realize how selfish and self serving their Christian walk is. My passion is to help others along the path of truly following Christ. Whether they are on the path and slightly misguided or in the waste lands that surround the path does not matter to me. I want to do what I've be commanded to do. Go and make disciples, not converts, but disciples. Disciples of Christ who understand and can't contain the love that can only come for Him. That is my passion. I don't yet know the exact medium I will use for this, but I know it doesn't matter because I can do this on a daily basis just by walking the path. I don't need to know where the path is taking me because it only goes in the right direction.

On The Edge

I have friends who are trying to truly follow the Lord and are living on the "edge" with their faith. They are letting go of all the trappings of "religion" and just LIVING IT (the Christian life). Now some in the "church" we attend are making all kinds of accusations against them...from they're trying to steal members and start a home church to they're tithing to a former children's minister. It's all untrue and just proves to me how many "Christians" really don't get it. They think attendance and involvement in programs is the key. They don't ever seem to realize Jesus himself was on the outside of religion when he walked this earth. My friends are now experiencing what so many others have...HURT!!! And from those that are supposed to be supporting them. It breaks my heart. I know they'll survive and come out stronger, it's just sucks that the resistance is coming from friendlies. We have some guarantees when we follow Christ, one of which is that it will not be easy.

Exsisting

I know I'm not very much fun to be around these days. My wife must really love me! I knew I had too much going on in my life so I made some changes to slow down. Now all I do is sit around and wonder what the hell I needed all this time for. I exsist. nothing more, nothing less. Mr. Mellancamp must have known what I'm feeling when he sang, "life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone." I really want to find joy in life's little pleasures, and I'm fully aware of all the blessings I have in my life, but I just have this desire to live a life of adventure with purpose. I want to be satisfied but for some reason satisfaction eludes me. My wife says I have a wandering spirit. Maybe... I just wish I knew where it was wandering to.

OUT!!!

I've taken the first step to recovery by admitting that I know who and what I am. I'm a card toting member of the club. I've chosen to quit fooling myself like so many others and make it official. I AM A POSSESSION SLAVE! There it's out! I know all my fears revolve around one central theme... I'm afraid of losing what I've got. I'm sure that on some level this makes me a coward which is not what I want to be, so I'm trying this blogging thing to see if it can help me focus on who I really want to be. I'm not "at war" with possessions I just don't want them to be my focus any more. That is such a selfish mentality. I want to get off myself and start following my Lord by simply "spreadin' the love". That's what He did and it was much more effective than any modern outreach strategy that I've experienced. I'm sure I'll post other thoughts, rants, and feelings but the personal growth is what I am seeking.